Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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