Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
