i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
wow bdsm is so cute
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
