3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
