He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
