Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
