Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
