Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
