I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
