So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize