I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
