im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
