she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
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