I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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