Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
