My sheets look like a crime scene.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
