I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
