grandma shit on top of the toilet
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
