How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
