He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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