Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
