Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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