I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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