Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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