I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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