Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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