i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
