Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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