He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
