she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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