Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
