You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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