I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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