she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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