im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
