Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
