ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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