who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
