i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
