He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so explain again why im purple
no
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
