I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
