You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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