He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
