i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i now understand why vodka
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
