i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
