And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
