from now on my penis is your penis
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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