"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
