Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
