And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize