last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
