she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
