WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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