a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
