He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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