i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize