I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
