Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
