Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
