I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
