Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
