i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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