lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
