Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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