Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
