My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
