I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
