Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
