my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
