We're facebook friends in real life
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there was a trapeze. enough said
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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