i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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