And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
