I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize