Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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