Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
