ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
