I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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