Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
