Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
