just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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