He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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