I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
