so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
