When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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