wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
