I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
