Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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