I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
