Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize