If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
