I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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