1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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