I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
