Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
