New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
