i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize