I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
