If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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