I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
