And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize