Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
