I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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