dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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