White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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