I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
