you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
