ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
