Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had to coat check the pizza.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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