This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
