thus making me awesome and them whores
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
