I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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