Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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