cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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