Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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