I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
